Good Morning My Friend

09/26/2013 07:23

Each morning when I wake, I’m faced with what I went to bed with. It’s still here, the pain and heartache.  I function, as best I can, but I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to feel the hurt.

How do I get free? How do I get to the place that so many talk about? How am I supposed to go on about my day to day business without this cloud that I’ve become so accustomed to? Tell me, please tell me.

Where is the instruction book that gives the step by step, play by play on how to shake this feeling? It is apparent that no such publication exists, because if it did, I would have bought every copy.

I’m trying to eat right, to maintain my health. I make every attempt to smile and show the world that I’m strong. The truth is, I’m not strong at all. I’m weak, I always have been and this, this has pushed me to a place that seems to have no way out.

I sounds like I’m complaining, but I don’t know if I could live, function without this cloud. It’s been an accessory to every outfit, for every occasion. How would I look without it? Although I haven’t had it for a whole year, it has become a part of me.

I think of the days before, when I didn’t have this, thing. The days when I could find a way to be happy, when I was actually happy. But, those days seem so distant now. Even when I’m out with friends, I can for only a few moments, pretend that it doesn’t exist. But it does.

I never, ever thought that the day would come that I wouldn’t have my best friend. You are gone and what’s here now is too hurtful to keep and too comfortable to let go. It has become a part of me. I can’t move or breathe without it. I can’t sleep or eat without it. I cannot seem to do anything without it, and I hate it, but I need it. Or do I?

The great sadness, I read that phrase in a book once. That’s what it is to me. The great sadness has become one with me. But I desire to be free. I desire to give the world the part of me that has meaning. I have laughter still inside of me, but this thing suffocates my joy. The great sadness has taken over, and I want it to stop.

I want it to stop, but my voice is too weak, my cry to faint. Who will reach down into this pit of destruction? Who will save me? When I’m all alone, the cloud of sadness rests heavy on my soul, pulling me to the side of ‘no return’. 

…but

I think I read it once, that Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world. Somebody told me that no weapon that is formed against me shall prosper. It can’t work. I may have heard it in a song that weeping may endure for a night, but joy will come in the morning. I feel like having my morning now. Good morning!

The great sadness had become a part of me, and had taken up too much space. This thing had almost taken over my entire life. It had affected and infected every area of my life. But I am stepping out on faith. I will never get my best friend back, but I will never forget her. Sadness may reside, but it won’t be that great anymore.

I am free from depression. I am free from sleepless nights. I am free from the cloud that hangs to destroy me. I will have joy. I will have happiness, and I will have life. Abundantly!

Good morning!

 

This is dedicated to my friend who recently lost her mother and can’t seem to shake the great sadness. I pray for her always, that the Lord would lift up her bowed down head and give her peace in her time of sorrow.

I pray for all others who are struggling with death and loss. Earth has no sorrow, heaven cannot heal. I’m praying that everyone who feels or has ever felt this way, that the Word of God would pick you up and wrap you up and embrace you. I pray that you would always reach out to the right person who will pray for you and care for you when it seems you can’t pray and care for yourself. I pray that you would be receptive and open to the Word of God. Replace that empty feeling with God’s love for you and your loved one who has passed on. We may have loved them the most, but God loves them the best.

 

Good morning!

 

TC!

 p.s. I love you, my friend