Precious Memories

On this day 26 years ago, (March 21, 1987), I gave birth to my oldest child. A son. He was nearly 3 months early. He was frail, and a little funny looking. Most of all, he was peculiar. He constantly held his hands in the praying position. This son of mine was one different kind of child. Being born so early, he had some disabilities, but getting to know the Lord was not one. As he grew, he developed many health problems, but did not lack in any other area of his life. This child never met a stranger. He had what old folks called an "old soul".

My very peculiar son had a love for God, God's Word, and God's preacher. He loved to hear the Word being preached. So much so, that he founded his very own church in the four walls of his own bedroom. He held service from beginning to end, from devotion to the benediction. He would open the doors of the church, and after about three minutes he would say, “none have come, but everybody ain't saved". He was indeed peculiar (I Peter 2:9).

Like any other child, he came with some challenges, but his good far outweighed his bad. He was loving, caring, generous, and a whole lot of 'mannish'. He put smiles on many faces. Today, on what would be birthday 26, my heart is heavy.

March 31, 2009, God saw fit to call my son home, to be with Him. Just 10 days after his 22nd birthday, he woke up, fixed a snack, sat in his chair, and waited for the Lord. That day, I wanted to die. I wanted to give up on living. Losing parents to death is an unbearable feeling, but losing a child is literally breath taking. It's heart breaking and confusing. It’s a type of emotional pain that manifests itself into physical pain. It is an empty feeling that makes you wish it was all a dream. With every waking moment, I am greeted by the grim reality that this is not a dream. This is very real. My son is gone.

Oh, how I wanted to hate God. I wanted to be mad at God, but I couldn't. God was with him through everything he had gone through. When he was just a baby, I gave him back to God, he wasn't mine to keep, he was God's to take. Knowing that truth, did not save me from myself. I fell deep into depression. Not the kind that was visible to the world, the kind of depression that was silent and most dangerous. As a matter of fact, what the world saw was an indication that I lived for the Lord.  I was strong, even through losing my child. Yet, inside I was dying. I was bitter, and I was being tormented with thoughts that I somehow was at fault.

This is how I know that the prayers of the righteous has so much power (James 5:16). I could not pray for myself. I did not want to pray. I am thankful to God for those who interceded on my behalf. I lift my hands, and I say 'thank you' for praying for me! Even when I didn't want to be kept, He kept me. When I wanted to die, He let me live! I know that I have joy today, because somebody prayed for me. I know that I am delivered today, because somebody prayed for me. I know that I am free, in Jesus' name, because somebody prayed for me. I can't say that I am 'all good' all the time, but I can say that right now, I am ok. I have joy, and I have God's peace.

So, help me honor my son's memory today by praying for someone else.

Father, we thank you for this day. We give your name praise, honor, and glory. God we ask now that you would bless those who are going through situations that seem hopeless. We pray now God that you would send your peace that surpasses all understanding, in the name of Jesus. Bless those who may be dealing with sick loved ones. Touch those who may be dealing with death today. We pray that just as you showed up for me, that you would do the same for them. We bind depression in the name of Jesus! We bind the demonic spirit of suicide, in the name of Jesus! Father, we pray that the soul who is reading this article will never undergo such loss. We pray for every child, every parent, that you would keep them covered in your blood. Protect, heal, and deliver, in Jesus' name. Anything that is not of you, we bind it in the matchless name of Jesus. Your Word says in John 14:14, that whatever we ask in your name, you would do it. Give us your comfort. Give us your peace. Give us your joy. In Jesus name we pray, Amen!

In loving memory;
Terrence L Bowden
Rest In Paradise, my son!

TC